


The First Lie

by calissequecestmignon



Series: Filling in the spaces in between [1]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Explanations, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:09:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3733444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calissequecestmignon/pseuds/calissequecestmignon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Filling in the blanks of what happened right before Oliver throws Connor out of his apartment. (1 x 04)  Let me know if I need to make any corrections. Suggestions always welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Lie

**Author's Note:**

> A small series of filling in the blanks for some of the episodes. Mostly smut that just can't be shown on TV ;)

The first lie is Pax.

When everything is done-- when the body is gone and the stories are told and the horror is muted so that everyone can go home and continue to live with themselves -when everything is done, the one person that Connor can even begin to imagine being with is Oliver. He wants to sit with Oliver and drink beer and eat dinner and watch a movie and talk about ordinary things. He wants Oliver to take him into his bed and kiss him. He wants to run his hands over Oliver from tip to toe. He wants Oliver to absolve him of his guilt and to relieve him of his grief. But.

But although he knows he may be able to get the first few things, the last, and most important thing, can never be his. And this is because he realizes that he cannot tell the truth to Oliver. He can't tell Oliver that he fucked Pax in that copy room to get information for his boss. He can't tell Oliver that he fucked Pax and betrayed Pax and called it 'doing his job'. Oliver would never understand and never forgive. So this then will be his first lie. Even though it will be a lie of omission and not commission, it is still the first lie he will tell to Oliver. Having to tell the lie, knowing that he will have to, makes him hesitate to text Oliver and ask if he can go over. It may be easier to simply go home and be by himself. Still the day has been a complete train wreck and the idea of having to spend the evening alone is not appealing in any way at all. Just one small lie, the rest of it can be true, he thinks to himself and he is already relearning his story, he is already making it acceptable to himself so that it will be acceptable to Oliver, he is already believing that it is the right thing to do. _tough day at work,_  he texts, _could i come by_? Oliver texts back two words-- _of course_.

In the short time it takes him to get to Oliver's, he moves from guilt and grief to anger. Anger is so much easier to deal with, anger is allowed, anger makes sense, anger can be spoken of. Oliver has already heard the basic details on the news but he is genuinely shocked when Connor fills him in on his own part in the story--sanitized, of course, to wash out his personal part and focused only on the role of Annalise and her band of merry students. When he gets to the part about Paxton actually going out the window, his anger is real. He is fucking angry that that stupid fuck would do something so ...so... fucking thoughtless...so permanent. If some of the anger he projects onto Pax is misplaced anger at himself, he is unaware of it. In this moment, the lie is complete for him.

Oliver sits with him, feeding him even though he says he isn't hungry, listening to him vent his frustration at how things turned out. Oliver exudes kindness and sympathy, he is distressed at Connor's distress and when they push away from their food, with Connor's only half eaten, Oliver takes him into his arms and hugs him. He doesn't think they will end up in bed, Oliver doesn't have an end game in mind. He simply wants to comfort his not-quite-boyfriend. It's Connor who seeks Oliver's mouth with his. It's Connor who slides his hands inside Oliver's clothes, looking for comfort in the feel of skin on skin. It's Connor who stands up and pulls Oliver by the hand into the bedroom. Oliver says, "Are you sure you're in the mood?" which is an unnecessary question as Connor is obviously in the mood or at least, his body is in the mood. Connor says easily, "Come on, let's forget about this and .." he leaves it unfinished so Oliver can fill in that blank with anything he likes. In the bedroom, they undress each other with an easy familiarity, completely comfortable with each other and still completely enthralled with each other. When Connor has Oliver stripped and in his hands he says truthfully, "I wanted you so bad today," and lowers his head to take Oliver into his mouth. Oliver lies back and lets Connor lick and suck and touch him until there is nothing in the world but his cock in Connor's mouth. There are no games played, no dragging it out, no teasing words but Oliver senses the need Connor has to do just this thing for him and it is powerful in its' own right. When he comes, Connor swallows and pops off with a smile. "That was fantastic," says Oliver, pulling Connor to him for a kiss. "I'm glad," says Connor. "I really wanted to do that, I've been craving it. Craving you." He kisses Oliver and Oliver's hand drops down to Connor's hard cock and begins stroking him. Connor's kisses become longer, deeper, his tongue slow and languorous in Oliver's mouth. Then as Oliver's hand moves faster, they kiss with a sense of urgency and Connor's hips move with him. Oliver pulls away -- Connor puts his hand on the back of his head, bringing him back to his mouth with a murmured, "Don't go." Oliver smiles against his lips, "I want to suck you off." "No, I like this too," Connor whispers but he lets go enough for Oliver to move down his body. "Oh, Jesus, Oliver, that's good," he says so quietly Oliver barely hears him. He works with Oliver, hips acting in counterpoint to Oliver's hands and mouth and when he comes he moans Oliver's name and Oliver feels a frisson of excitement in the depths of his stomach.

Afterwards Oliver can never be certain why he even picked up the phone, why he pushed play, why he listened to something he should not have listened to. Was it because even in the easy going relaxed after-sex glow, something didn't quite feel right? Didn't quite add up? Whatever the reason the momentum created by his decision would push them forward in a direction neither of them really wanted to go. It was not possible to stop, at least, not for him--so he told himself later. He was in the bedroom, Connor gone into the kitchen to grab a couple of beer, talking about the guy and he played it and he could not undo it. He felt a rush of different feelings, anger at being deceived, regret for listening, but mostly an overwhelming sorrow that what he thought he and Connor had was only his own deluded thinking.

Connor in the kitchen, opening beer and talking to Oliver heard the recorded voice of Pax. He heard it and felt in his gut that this was going to go down very badly. He closed his eyes, steeling himself for the explanations and apologies that he would need to make. His mind was racing, thinking of how best to extricate himself from this so they could return to the warm atmosphere they had been basking in. He could hear the hurt in Oliver's voice as he walked toward the bedroom.

But there is no chance. Before he can even attempt to explain, it is done. The door closes. He is alone in the hallway. The first lie is told.

**Author's Note:**

> They keep popping into my head--clearly I need to get laid :)


End file.
